The Dwelling PLace

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” Romans 12:10-13

This big little word is the root of it all. The willingness to let go of control, lean into hard places, and say yes over and over and over for what you believe to be right.

We find, in adoption, that there is no normal. There is no cut-and-dry path to placement, parenthood, or reunification. No way to predict how a child who has experienced the trauma of separation will cope as they grow. No way to know whether the birth family of your child will love you or resent you.

At Dwell, we’re working to build communities of care around the families in our area. Our Care Communities program is aimed at mobilizing churches to work for the gospel, creating care groups who are able to truly wrap families in the kind of support that keeps them going.

We have already alluded to several words that trigger dismay in the hearts of triad members. Today, we’re going to share with you some replacement vocabulary to help guide you in your conversations about adoption.

The choice to make an adoption plan can be brought on by a myriad of factors. But the empowerment of the families to put their child’s best interest ahead of their own is a grace-filled and self-aware decision.

Adoption is not taboo. It’s not something to whisper about in the corner of the room or something about which to make assumptions for the worst.

“Children who have experienced early adversities are at risk for behavioral problems and trauma symptoms. Trust-Based Relational Intervention is a trauma-informed, attachment-based intervention, which is proven to reduce behavioral problems and trauma symptoms in at-risk adopted children.”

Our work at Dwell is centered on supporting adoptive and foster families who are loving on children from hard places. We know how impactful it can be for these parents to know they are not alone, and we understand the nuanced weight of caring for these kids.

In situations where children were brought into closed adoptions, or where relationships with first families have been limited, some adopted children will seek to meet and build a relationship with their first family. This process, known as reunification, is a complex and nuanced circumstance that resurfaces old trauma, calls into question all the hard parts of the story, and may uncover heartbreak.

No amount of love, structure, and nurturing will keep your adopted child from asking the hard questions.

The words we use matter so much. Children and first families deserve dignity and respect, and the careful choosing of our words to acknowledge actions has a big impact on holding them in that light.

Beyond relationships with birth mothers and fathers, open adoption allows for the fostering of relationships between birth siblings and extended family as well. In some situations, there is a network of family that experiences the “loss” of the adopted child as part of their family, and they desperately want to remain connected to the child they love.

Adoption and Foster Care by the Numbers

While it’s seen as a deeply emotional process by the parties involved, the reality is that adoption is a legal proceeding that requires the involvement of attorneys, social workers, physicians, government administrators, adoption specialists, counselors, and more.